If there is one skill set you could practice that would help you in every area of your life, would you spend time learning about it?
Great news! Communication skills are the most versatile skills you can have. When you know how to better communicate with people, you become a better speaker and listener. You become a better friend, employee, boss, spouse, customer, negotiator, parent… the list goes on!
The downside? You need to spend time practicing. Very few people are naturally charismatic enough to not need much help. For most of us, we may instinctively know a few things, and we might have learned a few techniques over the years, but we wouldn’t call ourselves conversational masters.
So many people know the value of communication and conversation skills that there are endless books on the subject. Here, we are going to cover the top books for a few different subsets of communication skills. Read on to find out which books are the best for psychological conversation skills, constructive criticism, emotional intelligence, conflict resolution at work, and general conversational skills.
The Top Books for Psychological Conversation Skills
“In general, when we are unsure of ourselves, when the situation is unclear or ambiguous, when uncertainty reigns, we are most likely to look to and accept the actions of others as correct.”
Robert B. Cialdini
The psychological conversation might sound a bit ominous, but in reality, we are always under the influence of some kind of psychological persuasion. In a way, we try to bring some control to every conversation we have. This is not a bad thing!
Manipulation is a strong word with negative connotations. Usually, we say someone is manipulative when they are trying to get people to do things they normally would not do. This results in them emotionally, psychologically, or even physically harming people. They might get manipulated into giving money or things away, and in the end, someone gets tricked and someone else ends up being a scammer.
But. In a much more general way, we all try to manipulate others, usually in a positive way! Why do you tell a joke? Because you want the other person to laugh and have fun. Why do you say words of encouragement? Because you want the other person to feel empowered and capable.
You can positively manipulate a conversation for favorable outcomes for everyone involved, no scamming, no tricking, no force. You simply want everyone to be more at ease so communication runs clearer.
Check out these books on how to strengthen psychological conversational skills.
"Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World's Top Minds" by Carmine Gallo
A big part of communicative psychology is public speaking: being able to hold an audience’s attention. You can apply the techniques learned in this text to more than just public speaking situations.
Crafting your words in such a way as to elicit a response on purpose is a technique for conversations of any size.
"Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B. Cialdini
This book teaches you not only the six principles of being an effective persuader but how to recognize when someone is trying to persuade you. It is not a bad thing for someone to speak persuasively to you, but knowing when it’s happening makes you a much more knowledgeable conversationalist.
Top Books for Constructive Criticism Skills
Giving and receiving constructive criticism is a top-notch skill for your career, studies, and even personal life. Knowing how to provide useful feedback that doesn’t cause defensiveness is an art, as is receiving feedback and integrating the lessons into your process.
Providing constructive criticism is much more than just saying what you think is wrong with someone’s work. To be constructive, rather than deconstructive, the feedback must follow a few rules, like shifting the focus away from the person to being squarely on the work.
Being receptive to feedback requires you to understand the intentions of the criticism being offered. Since not everyone is a constructive criticism wizard, you will probably encounter someone giving feedback in a less-than-helpful way. Knowing what lessons to pull out and being able to not take a critique personally are valuable skills to practice.
"Powerful" by Patty McCord
Written by the ex-chief talent officer and HR consultant at Netflix, this book focuses a lot on work culture. This might not seem like an obvious choice for learning about constructive criticism, however, McCord talks about the success of Netflix’s transparency with employees. The openness and communication pathways that are created within the company show just how important these things are in order to allow everyone to say what they need when they need.
"Radical Candor" by Kim Scott
Scott, who had a successful career in a management role at Google before switching over to Apple, shares her proven approach to being a good leader. She delves into the belief that teams can and should develop close relationships that allow strong trust to form. Directly relating to criticism, when you are with a group of people who all understand and trust each other, it’s much easier to give and receive honest and helpful feedback.
Top Books for Emotional Intelligence Skills
“Once you can communicate with yourself, you'll be able to communicate outwardly with more clarity. The way in is the way out.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Knowing all of the technical communication skills in the world won’t make you the best conversationalist if you do not also have emotional intelligence (EQ). Without knowledge and application of EQ, you may as well be a robot.
High EQ means that you understand yourself, your motivations, what elicits certain emotions in you (and how to control them), and how to follow the path of self-improvement. When you are constantly learning new things and growing, you are more interesting to talk to. People are more eager to interact with you because they can tell you are not shallow.
Likewise, you also understand a little bit about everyone else’s journey in life, too. You can better relate to people from all walks of life, in many stages and situations. Conversations with you help other people just as much as they benefit you, and everyone leaves the interaction a little better than when they started.
"The Art of Communicating" by Thich Nhat Hanh
A zen approach to communication, this book encourages the reader to foster mindfulness, compassion, and respect when talking with others. Using these ideas as a baseline for every conversation allows everyone involved to reach more meaningful levels of communication. Nhat Hanh is also a proponent of introspection and using your relationship with the self to lead your relationships with others.
"The Five Keys to Mindful Communication: Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals" by Susan Gillis Chapman
Chapman examines the essential elements of communication: presence, listening, speech, relationships, and responses. Keeping a mindful approach to all of these elements helps you to gauge the quality of the conversation and rapport being built between you. Especially in the digital age, the art of conversation can be hard to nurture, leaving many of us feeling inadequate in face-to-face communication. Use this book to learn more about how to be a better conversationalist and understand cues as to how your relationships with others are going.
Top Books for Work Conflict Resolution Skills
Understanding how to defuse a tense situation at work is crucial, especially if you are or plan to be in a managerial role. Conflicts will undoubtedly arise for one reason or another. Knowing how to keep the peace and reach an agreement is a highly sensitive skill.
A strong leader can mediate between two parties well, without taking sides or playing favorites. Even if negotiations or talks take a while, it’s possible for everyone to receive the attention they need to feel heard. At the end of it all, a successful mediation means that everyone walks away peacefully with a solution.
Sometimes, you might find yourself part of a conflict. No matter what your position is, you have a chance to shine as the mature and wise one. Staying level-headed and realistic, even at the height of tensions, is a difficult task.
Furthermore, knowing when to ask for help, either as the mediator or as one of the conflicting parties, is a vital move.
"Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
Oftentimes, a conflict will have at least one crucial moment; a moment full of tension where saying the wrong or right thing may have more impact than usual. Knowing how to recognize and navigate these moments is key whether you’re involved in or mediating the conflict resolution process. We can be tempted to ignore the tension, hope someone else says something, or hope it dissipates on its own. None of those options will lead to the best outcome, nor will they help you with your communication skills. Learn what to say and how to say it to seize the moment.
"Conflict Resolution Playbook: Practical Communication Skills for Preventing, Managing, and Resolving Conflict" by Jeremy Pollack
Learn how to strengthen your communication skills with clear-cut examples and solutions to everyday conflict problems. This book outlines the basic human psychological needs: identity, safety, care, autonomy, growth, and stimulation, which are the drivers of all of our motives. When you learn why you and others act the way they do, you can much better understand how to diffuse a conflict. You will also learn about dealing with problems that arise in conflicts, like bullying or gaslighting.
Top Books for Conversational Skills
"Leaders become great, not because of their power, but because of their ability to empower others."
John Maxwell
Regular conversation: it happens absolutely everywhere.
You will need to be able to have simple, low-stakes conversations. Most of our interactions in life will start as small talk, but if you are a great conversationalist, you’ll be able to turn many of these chats into something more meaningful. At the very least, you will be able to survive smalltalk with minimal anxiety or faux pas.
Just like emotional intelligence, general conversation intelligence can help you improve all of your relationships. You’ll be able to create better communication with your friends, relatives, coworkers, and other regular people in your life. Your rapport with strangers can also become a pleasant thing to build up.
Overall, a person with good communication skills is perceived as charismatic. You’ll no doubt exude greater confidence and boost your self-image!
Here are the best books to improve speaking skills.
"Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age" by Sherry Turkle
Understanding how we communicate is the number one thing that will help you connect and get your message through to others. It’s no secret that the “traditional” way of communicating has changed because of the prevalence of online spaces. Turkle talks about the communication of the different impact has, and how to best approach each impact. Being able to understand and connect with the youth, or people who simply use the internet a lot is obviously very important. This book examines how communication is impacted by heavy internet use.
"Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently" by John C. Maxwell
This book is great for people who have never read about communication theory or practice before or people who struggle to understand social cues. Maxwell talks about different ways to recognize when a good connection has been made and how to get there. Every conversation is an opportunity to make a meaningful connection. The crucial skills that Maxwell details include: finding common ground, simple communication, creating an enjoyable exchange, offering inspiration, and staying authentic while communicating.
Resources for Practicing Communication Skills
Books are not the only resource available for learning about communication. It’s such a huge topic in every sphere: business, schooling, personal, and everything in between. You can find any number of communities for any niche subject that you are interested in learning how to communicate about. Check these places to find even more information:
- YouTube
- Podcasts
- Blogs
- Forums
Testing Your Skills
You’ve read the books, you’ve followed the blogs, you’ve watched YouTube videos, you’ve listened to podcasts, you’ve practiced with friends, and you’ve tested your skills in your everyday life. What’s next?
You can explore these communication skills testing tools to try and see how well you are performing.
In a professional setting, many companies use communication assessment tools to evaluate candidates. They want to ensure applicants have the proper skills needed, so AI and other programs are used to weed out people with weaker communication.
Some popular assessment tools include TestGorilla, Mercer Mettl, Harver, and Criteria.
You can find tests to take online on sites like TestDome.com, FindCourses.com, PsychologyToday.com, and TheTrainingBox.eu.
Individualized Coaching
For a program specifically adapted to meet your goals and needs, try a personal communications coach!
With a personalized approach, you will be able to have a specialist in the subject point out your strengths and weaknesses in communicating. You will surely improve since you have a person, not an AI or program, to evaluate your progress and guide you through the lessons you need to learn to be the best communicator possible.
Try searching for a communications coach on Superprof today!
Communication is a fundamental part of being human. We are always communicating with others for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s basic, casual, and fun. Other times it’s high-stress and can have huge impacts. Knowing how to handle all kinds of situations means you can navigate just about anything in life since you’ll know how to work with the best resource we have: other people.
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